Not an Assassin
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: I've been nearly everywhere by now. Seen just about everyone, everything. But there are still some realms I haven't visited, worlds I have NOT seen, depths I have yet to delve. Take Arkham City for example. Never been. Never seen the Lazarus Pit, either. Never led a league of assassins...but hey, what could possibly go wrong? Narutoxharem! Part of the Not Going Home series!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **A/N: I return my subjects! For any wondering, YES I have recently played the Arkham games, and as a result, I bloody loved 'em! However, I wasn't too pleased with some things, especially, a scene in Arkham City. Also, a reference there got me thinking...**

 **...Demons and Gods...eh? Immortal...who else do we know that's like that...ya know?!**

 **And when I saw that there were so few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a part sort the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond as he wreaks chaos wherever he goes. And let's face it folks...**

 **...this just had to be done. I couldn't help myself!**

 **Again, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read Not Going Home and all its companions, of which there are many, first.**

 **Speaking of that series, a fan of mine, Hail Lord Archanfel, has suggested something.**

 **So, I've been going over reviews, and an anonymous reviewer said something that really resonated with me. I love to write. But sometimes, I feel that this gift owns me, rather than I, owning it. Its like a beast inside me, this urge to create, but I can't control it very well, which results in a LOT of new stories. So as of last night, and continuing throughout the week, I'm purging stories that won't be continued, or works that no one enjoys anymore.**

 **Let me know which ones you feel should be continued, before its too late! Don't worry, many of the major ones will remain, but anything from 2008-2009 is likely going out the window with all the rest of the trash, never to be seen again. This may seem sudden I know, but I'm only purging the forgotten fics that no one cares for. Fear not, its not going to be immediate, but it WILL happen, I simply wanted to get this out as a forewarning.**

 **This will be of very few new stories I plan to release, god willing. If I have an idea, I plan to make it a damn good one before I just toss it out there, as I devote myself to my other works, soon to number into the hundreds, and potentially dozens as I whittle them down. I need to reassess why I want to write, for the joy of it, and I can't do that by letting you guys down with old, crappy stories I wrote in my early days.**

 **ALSO!**

 **RESTORED!**

 **I've talked with the ADmins and gotten my works back, but I have to edit them so they can fit within the guidelines once again!**

 **Viper, Dawn of Daybreak, Conqueror of Nations, Red Wing, Hurt, Blade of the Kitsune and Counting Star, all of which were deleted by FANFICTION for some reason due to having a supposedly explicit rating, they are now BACK, reviews and all! Strange thing, though, reviews are being shown, but for some reason, with new stories, almost no one has been able to reply to them beyond PMing them, and sometimes not even that. Odd, right? Still, we can post, and everyone can review!**

 **HUZZAH!**

 **Subject: Clever Girl**

 **I just had an idea. The Misadventures of Diny and Indy. A story about the girls when Naruto isn't around. It have chapters about Indy trying to get her sister used to everyday things like staying dressed. Or another chapter of them trying to get driver's licenses (Piccolo and Goku style).**

 **And personally, I think it would quite easy for you to accomplish given that you've already gotten their characters made and fleshed out.**

 **Bonus idea: Killa's Grand Day Out**

 **Whaddya think, guys? Should I go for it?**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, insanity abounds here so...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present Not a Demon! Also, we see a few more hints from upcoming events in Not Going Home...and this will also deal with Arkham Knight! Can't STAND the way that game ended...let me know if you agree!**

 _"So, I heard you call yourself Head of the Demon."_

 _"Yes...and you are...?"_

 _"The man who wants that title."_

 _~Naruto and Ra's al Ghul._

 **Pit**

 _Sooooooo, people have been pestering me about this Arkham universe._

 _An' I thought to myself, wait, wait, wait. Haven't I already been here before? Blowing up banks, flooding the city with ramen, painting the town orange. Am I right? Of course I'm right. But then they tell me that this is a GAME universe; which I really don't play all that often! And there's this guy called the Head of the Demon...I take offense to that! The only demon/god around here is me! Six hundred years old my ass! I'm waaay older than that! Who the devil does he think he is, stealing my immortal shtick?!_

 _And this Ra's fellow, well...  
_

 _Challenge accepted._

 _There's ah...just one problem._

* * *

"No."

An awkward silence pervaded the Avengers tower, broken by none...

...save one.

"Aaaaaaawwww, but why not, Wanda?"

"Naruto," Wanda Maximoff-otherwise known as the infamous Scarlet Witch-pinched her nose, and exhaled slowly, desperately trying to stave off an oncoming migraine. "You are very much trying my patience." Doing so only made her accent even more pronounced than before, which in turn made the blasted fool grin even more like an impossible -oh really?!- idiot. That, of course, only made her even angrier at him and this latest, hair brained scheme. "So again, I ask you, why? You have visited zis "Batman" before, haven't you? So why do it again?"

His head tilted slightly, beaming a grin at her as he lounged on the sofa opposite her. "And I say gain, why not?"

Bloody red daggers glowered at him.

 _"Naruto."_

"Not the outfit!" he cried! I just got this one!"

In the time since she'd seen him last he'd all but divested himself of his outlandish orange-white robes, replaced them with a pair of black leathers and a faded grey duster that looked as if it belonged in one of those old american western movies. It was a given, considering where he'd just retruend from-some place called Fallout?-and under any other circumstance, Wanda, would have found the outfit rather fetching. She might've even enjoyed ripping it off of him.

Not so much, now.

"Talk." it was a demand.

"Alright, alright," drawling softly, he sat up. "Remember that spiel I gave you about dimensions and alternate universes? How they're all connected? Offshoots of different realities?" When her head bobbed he continued, sliding closer to her. She didn't resist, but she didn't relax, either.

"And your point is...?"

"Basically. This ain't the Bat I know, nor the one I befriended. Totally different beast. I don't owe him any-...?" A pause. "Wait...Wan, am I making you angry?"

"Yes! You just now noticed?!"

 _"You're adorable when you're angry."_

"I...you...I am going to...!" Wanda curled her sparking hand into a fist and narrowly reigned in the urge to slap his face off. She reminded herself that she loved this insufferable man, despite all his flaws, he was just as broken as she was. But this, no, she wasn't willing to condone another of his ridiculous, dimension-spanning antics. Now, had he been doing this alone, she would've let him have at it. But noooo, the blond buffoon that was her husband _insisted_ on bringing her with him!

The last one he'd brought her on had been...unpleasant to say the least. Stupid fools and their blighted darkspawn. Still, it wouldn't have been all bad...had not every man, woman and child been utterly terrified of her powers. It had been her first, and last foray into another world. That Naruto was trying to drag her on yet another told her all she needed to know. Not doing it. At all.

NOPE!

"Sooooo, you really don't want to come with me?" it was a plea, his blue eyes shining pitifully.

Wanda huffed. "No. Nothing you can say will convince me otherwise."

"But-

A hand thrust itself in his face, counting down.

"You have two jurassic girls, a pack of raptors, a xenomorph who answers to your every beck and call, hordes of battle suits. You are still hunting an Archdemon, possess an AI that put _Ultron to shame_ and _now_ you're telling me that you want to be in charge of a league of assassins? Is it not enough for you to be what you are?" she gestured with her palm, an errant red glow flicking at her fingertips in response to her distress. "Why do you need all zese. _..things?"_

"Plenty of reasons," the blond replied at last, rolling his slim shoulders with a sharp pop, draping an arm around her. "Maybe I had attachment issues when I was younger. Maybe I just don't like being alone. Maybe its simply plain ol' wanderlust. But right now, I can only thing of one that actually matters."

"And that is?"

"Assassins are awesome," he finished, beaming happily. "That's pretty much the reason why, this time. Can't have enough of those!"

"Got that right." Natasha poked her head in from the kitchen. "Few more couldn't hurt."

"Not helping, Widow!"

 _Pop._

Oh.

When next she turned to look upon the bothersome blond, however, there was a curious blank space where he'd been. In his place lay a folded piece of orange paper, a series of words scrawled loosely upon its surface, complete with a smiling visage etched into the bottom of the parchment.

 _"Look after Indy and Diny for me, will you? They get into all kinds of trouble when I'm away. Love ya!"_

 _All my feels,_

 _~Naruto._

"He's gone, isn't he." It was not a question, more a statement than none.

Natasha's voice chimed from other room. "Yup."

 _ **"DAMNIT!"**_

* * *

"HELLOOOOOOO ARKHAM CITY!"

In the same instant that Scarlet Witch found herself swearing like a sailor, universes away, Naruto laughed loudly. Whooping wildly he hurtled through the air, feet first, cackling as booted feet crashed down upon the rusting metal of an old overpass, producing a harsh thud of sound against the steel. Also, a squish.

Wait, squish?

 _Oops._

Pausing, he lifted a boot, realizing he'd landed directly on top of a rather unfortunate thug, reducing the poor sod to a messy pulp on the ground. Ah, well. Bar a rather messy landing, he was getting even better at this now! No need to materialize slowly anymore, just a few seconds of concentration and WHAM he reached his destination! Instant air drop! Gotta love instantaneous movement. Taking a moment to reorient himself to his new surroundings, the baffled blond surveyed the landscape, its jutting spires and broken buildings.

Dismal place.

Through eyes centuries old he countless signs of life, criminals and otherwise, scattered throughout the enclosure. He simply couldn't measure them all. So many potential victims! Ah-but there would be time enough for them-and pranks-later, he told himself. He had an objective to see to and maybe then he'd paint a building or two orange, rampage around a bit as the ten-tails, just for kicks. Yet for now...

"Okay, _reaaaaally_ big place." he muttered, scratching his head. "Now, if I remember reading correctly, Wonder City was somewhere underground...aha!"

In a blink, he vanished, tranmsitting himself from one plane of existence to another.

 _Ra's_ al Ghul

Talia al Ghul.

Wonder City.

League of Assassins.

Head of the Demon.

Blah, blah. blah...

Naruto had browsed these terms in passing before his journey, learned of them from the other realms evens, but he'd never actually witnessed them in this one. Until now. Not one to mince words but ever curious, he found himself almost looking forward to the arrival, From the moment he alighted in the underground streets beneath Arkham City, willing himself to his destination with a single thought, he found himself...

...a little disappointed actually.

"Well, this ain't kosher." It was downright underwhelming!

Wonder City was more a crumbling ruin than the actual metropolis the disembodied voice made it out to be. You'd think, as a man who had lived for six centures, Ra's would have better taste in home decor. Buried deep below ground and full of collapsing streets and rotting timbers, he found himself forced to pick his way through layer upon layer of ruined city until he finally found what he was looking for. It amounted to a large door-a great stone-and-metal arch set near a collapsing storefront.

Damn thing looked like it hadn't been opened in years.

Waltzing up to it, he knocked heavily on the gate, clenched knuckles rapping harshly against brass.

 _Knock._

 _Knock._

 _Knock._

"Hello?" he called? "Moshi moshi? Anyone home?"

No response.

An eye twitched.

"Well, I'm guessing there's a secret passage somewheres around here, but...I SURE AS HELL AIN'T LOOKING FOR IT!"

An armored fist cocked back and pistoned forward in the same instant.

With a deafening crack, flesh met door and door yielded.

Exploding off its hinges in a violent cacophony of shattered steel and broken metal, all hell broke loose. The rest of the door burst inward with a resounding clang, hurtling into the passage like a whirling discus of doom for all that stood in its path. DOOOOOOOOOOM! Ha! merely thinking of the word reminded him of a certain doctor. Doom would've shat bricks just now if he had seen him pick up a giant metal door and toss it like a glorified frisbee.

 _Ha!_

So caught up was he in his mirth, that he almost failed to notice the shadows shift behind him. Almost, but not quite. A slight hiss of elation betrayed him.

"Hiyah!"

 _Shing!_

His armored arm shot backwards in the same instant that the woman's blade fell on his head. He had just a moment to take her in, lightly garbed, lower-face masked, shoulders sheathed in tattoos. Then time flowed on once more, continuing its inevitable march, and combat was joined. For all of three seconds. Spitting sparks, his shielded limb wrenched itself into the path of the descending sword and grabbed it, securing the edge like it was made of harmless plastic, not a deadly edge that had taken countless lives before him.

And now he was holding it.

"Surprised?" he hummed, savoring her bulging eyes. "Don't be. Blade vs God? Blade loses everytime."

"What are you-

"I'm a fuck mothering God. I've killed a lot of people to get this title, and I deserve to be called as such. Oh, and I'm here to steal your your boss's title, too."

Then he yanked, grabbing the blade and hauling it, owner and all, into an awaiting fist. The limb sheathed itself in her stomach, driving the wind out of her as surely as it did consciousness. Doubling over his limb, she never felt his hand on her forehead, never felt him plunge into her mind and pick it clean of the information he sought. Never felt his shock. His surprise.

A ninja.

"Well." Naruto blinked, dropping his would-be-killer like a sack of potatoes, "Lets see what's behind _this_ door now, shall we-or not."

Now, Naruto wasn't startled when another ninja pounced on him from behind, leaping from a hiding place in the shadows to try and end him. He _was_ surprised however to find that this was no ninja at all, but rather, the daughter of the very man he'd been searching for. The sword at his throat also answered even more questions, as did her voice.

 _Talia al Ghul._

"Who are you, trespasser?!" she demanded! "How did you find your way here?!"

Naruto couldn't help it; he simply guffawed, falling on his ass before she could hit him.

"Seriously? Of all the lines you could use...ah, whatever. I suppose I could regale you with the story...but how about a little spar, first?"

"What-

 _Crunch._

His head snapped upwards abruptly, thick skull smashing against hers and driving the assassin back a step. It was all he needed to swat the blade away and spin, facing her.

He dithered all of a moment before deciding to forgo his powers completely. Curiosity compelled him to wait, allowing her to strike first. The counterattack, however, that belonged to him. His arm snapped up, the blade skittering off the armored gauntlet like a live wire, spitting sparks. He almost laughed when she tackled him, her knife nicking his shoulder, drawing blood. A flash of fire-poison, maybe?-burned through his veins like fire and flame, and he laughed at her for her failure even as he purged it from his system.

Corkscrewing himself away, he landed neatly, alighting on his left leg.

"A little fight in ya! I like that!"

"Then you'll love this."

Fingers snapped.

"Eh?"

Even as he finished the exclamation he saw the guards. Sensed them. They dropped down around him like wraiths, specters unseen. Hardly a fair fight. For them. Glancing about warily, his whiskered cheeks dimpled in a slight frown as he realized what she intended to do.

"Hey, that's not fair! I was just about to tell you my backstory! You can't interrupt me with a fight scene!"

"Take this fool to the execution chamber." Talia instructed, scowling.

Naruto sighed.

"You don't want to do that."

"And why not?"

"You know," the blond found himself going on a rant, "You probably won't believe me, but I _just_ had an argument like this before I came here. Long story short, pointy things. Sharp, pointy things, stuck in you and all your little friends here. I'd like to avoid that."

The daughter of the demon paused only briefly, then raised her eyes to meet his and motioned to the guards. One laid a hand on Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto's reaction surprised even himself.

Snarling, he slammed his elbow up into the woman's face, shattering her nose, then took the second nearest down with a kick to the leg that splintered bone like rotten wood. In the same breath his hands closed upon the skulls of two more unfortunate guards and squeezed with his full might. Their heads exploded like overripe grapes, their contents under pressure. Blood spattered in every direction-a fine red mist signalling the end of her elite bodyguards.

"Hey, I warned ya!"

Before Talia could do more than cry out, even think to defend herself, Naruto lunged at her, snapping forward in a sudden burst of speed. He ripped a kunai-an old memento of his shinobi days-out of from his boot and caught her by the shoulder. Naruto slammed the startled woman around, pushing her backwards into the nearest wall and -barely thinking to consider his reactions-rammed the knife into her shoulder.

To her credit, she barely even gasped.

"I didn't come here to pick a fight with you," he growled, "But if you're going to play games with me, I'll lope that pretty little head right of your shoulders. I've had enough of women giving me the run around before in my youth, so trust me when I say I'm not about to tolerate your antics just because you've got a tight ass and nice set of tits."

Despite herself, his captive colored.

"You dare-

"Oh, honey, I've dared to do a LOT worse than this. Now, would you kindly shut up."

She did not, in fact, kindly shut up.

"TO ME, SISTERS!"

More kunoichi spilled into the chamber. Naruto didn't look up. He grabbed the daughter of the demon by the face, forcing her to look at him.

"You listen." he said, grinding the steel deeper against the muscles. "I don't care if you think I'm weak, worthless, whatever. I stopped caring about _that_ kinda crap centuries ago. I don't care if you're hurt. I don't care if I've upset you, and I really don't care if you try and shiv me with that holdout knife you're keeping in your sleeve. But I _do_ care if you waste my time. I've got places to be, stuff to steal, realities to wreck. And I'm not about to miss out on one second of it just because _you_ felt like making a statement!"

Talia's guards surrounded him. He stepped away, ripping the knife from her body and pressing the weapon against her throat.

"Hey kids, wanna see a dead body?"

The guards froze.

"If not, then take me to Ra's al Ghul." he said, pushing Talia ahead of him. "Now."

Another beat of silence passed through the chamber, broken only by the sound of Talia's heavy breathing.

 _"There's no need for that, intruder."_

Talia went rigid as a new voice interjected itself into the chaos.

"Father...!"

"Aha," Naruto laughed, spinning. "And so the main man shows himself! Gotta say, you look a lot more impressive than this place." Sure enough, Ra's al Ghul lived up to his name, looking resplendently dangerous in his sleek armor and tunic. Dragons danced along the length of his arms, coiled tattoos looping around the hardened notes of his limbs. A sword hung loose at his side, slightly concealed, by a flowing cloak. His eyes burned a bright and unnatural green, as though lit from within.

He looked every bit the man Naruto had believed him to be.

All that remained was to see for himself.

"So, I heard you call yourself Head of the Demon." he began, edging forward, taking Talia with him.

That stern face creased in a scowl.

"Yes...and you are...?"

"The man who wants that title." Naruto finished, tightening his grip on the demon's daughter. "Your associates weren't entirely forthcoming with your location, so I'm afraid I had to be persuade them. Hope you don't mind the blood."

"I see..."

A strained silence passed between the two men.

"Release my daughter."

"Sure, now that you're here I have no use for-ow."

Naruto glowered icy blue knives at Talia's jagged knife now protruding from his arm, its barbed point sticking out in full view for him to observe. "Well, now. That was rude. I was going to let you go, anyway, ya know." He didn't even bother to strike at her as she vaulted away. Instead he simply grabbed the handle of the serrated knife and ripped it free. Blood spattered across the cobblestones, gore painting the floor red. Humming a merry tune, he reached over and pushed the wound shut with his fingers.

"Your daughter needs to learn some manners, Ra's." sighing, he raised his limb, inspecting it for injuries. "I nearly lost a perfectly good arm, there. You should bandage her up before she loses hers."

The Head of the Demon blinked, struggling to conceal his surprise. "It...would appear so." What manner of creature was this man?! When he'd heard tell of an intruder, he'd almost dared to hope that the detective had finally come to his senses, but this...this was another beast entirely...!

Talia lowered her hand, clutching at her bad arm. "How...?"

Still shaking his head, the blond raised his arm, rotating it slightly to push sensation back into the numbed limb.

 _"Ah,_ see, now look what you did. You went and pressed the murder button. I was going to kill your old man quick, but then ya went an' stabbed me," the deadly dagger exploded in his hand, showering him and Talia with shards of broken steel. Lifting his head slowly, he craned his neck loosely and somewhat erratically as he stood, _looking_ at the direction of the voice-a twitching, spasmodic movement to his motions. Talia really wasn't at all surprised by it all anymore now; but if felt as though this were all happening to someone else, that this were nothing more than a dream, and she'd wake up any moment now...

"You shouldn'ta done that."

"For a warrior, you seem intent on wasting my time with words." Ra's frowned.

Naruto glared for several seconds without letting up, veins throbbing visibly in his forehead. Those sky blue eyes were cast in shadow, and gleaming with baleful blue light. His lips were curled back almost of their own accord, barring the blond's teeth in a decidedly sly smile.

Then he started to laugh.

"Heh. Hehehehehehe..." It started out deep and booming, the cackle of a man gone mad. "...ehehahahahahaHAHAHAHA!" Then, abruptly, it jumped three octaves, leaping into an insane shriek that left would have left a normal man's hair standing on end, his skin rippling in gooseflesh as that voice skipped into an insane shriek. The clapping didn't certainly didn't help either, the harsh sound of his palms smacking together with a harsh, continuous pop of sound. It was the strangest sound Talia had ever witnessed, and yet at the same time, the most amusing, terrifying sound he'd ever heard.

Abruptly, it cut off.

"Okay, I'm done. You can die now."

Ra's smiled slightly, reaching for his blade.

"You may try, if you wish."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Naruto raised his hands, waving frantically! "Can I just say one thing, first? Been meaning to get it off my chest for awhile now."

The Head of the Demon paused, considering this unusual request.

"Very well, then. Speak your words. They will be your last."

"You, my good man. _ **..DONE GOOFED!"**_

Cackling, the blond pounced!

 _ **A/N: And there we have it! As per many, many, MANY requests, we now have a Naruto and Arkham City crossover! I took an idea about the Lazarus Pit, since we know so little of it in the game by the by, and decided to go and run with it to the best of my possibility. An eternal Naruto in control of the assassins, dragging the poor sods, and Talia along with him on his adventures, now there's an idea...**_

 **So...in the Immorta Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes ya grin!**

 **(Preview)**

 _"Hello, bats!"_

 _Batman twitched, frowning at the young man lounging idly before him, mere meters from the Lazarus pit. Where was Ra's? Was he seeing things? Did he really have so little time left already? The world swam and blurred around him like a thing alive, a restless serpent trying to wriggle out of his grasp whenever he looked away. He was still somewhat lucid, Bruce thought-if not, it would certainly explain the unholy sight he saw laid out before him._

 _"Have we met?" he asked?_

 _The blond only laughed._

 _Why was Talia in this man's lap, and why the HELL was he grinning like that? The severed head of a recently deceased Penguin laid beneath his left boot, the skull of Two-Face, the other. Their faces were still frozen in a terrified rictus even after death...but why on earth were they painted orange and colored with whiskers?! Yes. Seeing things. He had to be seeing things..._

 _"Oh, various incarnations of you, sure, but not this one! You caught me at a good time, really. I've got a bit of Ra's blood left over after I butchered him. We're just about to pack up and leave. More villians to prank and kill, then we're gone."_

 _A snap of his fingers, and he did just that._

 _"See you in Arkham Knight!"_

 _...what?"_

 **R &R~! =D**


	2. Maim

**A/N:** **A/N: I return my subjects! For any wondering, YES I have recently played the Arkham games, and as a result, I bloody loved 'em! However, I wasn't too pleased with some things, especially, a scene in Arkham City. Also, a reference there got me thinking...**

 **...Demons and Gods...eh? Immortal...who else do we know that's like that...ya know?!**

 **And when I saw that there were so few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a part sort the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond as he wreaks chaos wherever he goes. And let's face it folks...**

 **...this just had to be done. I couldn't help myself!**

 **Again, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read Not Going Home and all its companions, of which there are many, first.**

 **Speaking of that series, a fan of mine, Hail Lord Archanfel, has suggested something.**

 **So, I've been going over reviews, and an anonymous reviewer said something that really resonated with me. I love to write. But sometimes, I feel that this gift owns me, rather than I, owning it. Its like a beast inside me, this urge to create, but I can't control it very well, which results in a LOT of new stories. So as of last night, and continuing throughout the week, I'm purging stories that won't be continued, or works that no one enjoys anymore.**

 **Let me know which ones you feel should be continued, before its too late! Don't worry, many of the major ones will remain, but anything from 2008-2009 is likely going out the window with all the rest of the trash, never to be seen again. This may seem sudden I know, but I'm only purging the forgotten fics that no one cares for. Fear not, its not going to be immediate, but it WILL happen, I simply wanted to get this out as a forewarning.**

 **This will be of very few new stories I plan to release, god willing. If I have an idea, I plan to make it a damn good one before I just toss it out there, as I devote myself to my other works, soon to number into the hundreds, and potentially dozens as I whittle them down. I need to reassess why I want to write, for the joy of it, and I can't do that by letting you guys down with old, crappy stories I wrote in my early days.**

 **ALSO!**

 **RESTORED!**

 **I've talked with the ADmins and gotten my works back, but I have to edit them so they can fit within the guidelines once again!**

 **Viper, Dawn of Daybreak, Conqueror of Nations, Red Wing, Hurt, Blade of the Kitsune and Counting Star, all of which were deleted by FANFICTION for some reason due to having a supposedly explicit rating, they are now BACK, reviews and all! Strange thing, though, reviews are being shown, but for some reason, with new stories, almost no one has been able to reply to them beyond PMing them, and sometimes not even that. Odd, right? Still, we can post, and everyone can review!**

 **HUZZAH!**

 **Subject: Clever Girl**

 **I just had an idea. The Misadventures of Diny and Indy. A story about the girls when Naruto isn't around. It have chapters about Indy trying to get her sister used to everyday things like staying dressed. Or another chapter of them trying to get driver's licenses (Piccolo and Goku style).**

 **And personally, I think it would quite easy for you to accomplish given that you've already gotten their characters made and fleshed out.**

 **Bonus idea: Killa's Grand Day Out**

 **Whaddya think, guys? Should I go for it?**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, insanity abounds here so...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present Not an Assassin! Also, we see a few more hints from upcoming events in Not Going Home...and this will also deal with Arkham Knight! Can't STAND the way that game ended...let me know if you agree!**

 _"Cor blimey! What an accent!"  
_

 _"I do NOT say blimey!"_

 _~Naruto and the Penguin._

 **Maim**

 _Wow, Ra's fought pretty damn good for an old guy!_

 _I mean, I wasn't using any of my chakra or abilities whatsoever, so it wasn't exactly a FAIR fight by my standards, but you get the picture. Still, the old fart gave me a decent workout before he keeled over. Superb skill with a blade aside, when you get to be my age, you learn more than a few styles of combat. He's got a nice sword though. Think I'll keep it as a souvenir. Can never have too many of those, ya know? Sharp, dangerous things are always a win in my book, right up there with warm women and hot ramen._

 _Right, now that we've taken out the trash..._

 _...lets wrap this up, shall we?_

* * *

...impossible."

"Nah," Naruto hummed, wiping bits of gore off his fist. "Fucked her last week."

"I...you...this cannot..."

Ra's al Ghul slumped to the ground, choking on those words, on his own blood.

Dozens of wounds littered his failing body, his armor rent and shattered. His cloak lay in tatters. Even his limbs had not escaped damage; his right arm was little more than a severed stump, ending just below the elbow and spurting blood through a partially cauterized wound. But even _that_ paled in comparison to the gaping hole in his torso. The open orifice of his stomach was a grisly sight to behold, his vital organs held in only by the ruined remnants of his armor's clasp and seal.

Talia almost couldn't believe what she was looking at. It didn't seem real. Her father, the Head of the Demon, the one man she'd believed to be invincible, immortal-a veritable force of nature, was on the ground. Taken apart, as though he were a child, not the indomitable assassin she'd always known. Try as she might, she couldn't reconcile that invincible figure with the old man before her.

Broken, beaten, wheezing.

 _Dying._

"Well, its been fun, Ra's." His soon-to-be-killer strutted up to him, preening like a proud peacock. "You gave me a good warmup, and there aren't many who can do that anymore." Twirling his blade, the very blade he'd pried from her progenitor's hands, he laid its edge against Ra's throat. Then he turned, looked at her. Talia stood rooted, frozen beneath that glare.

"Any objections?"

Ra's gurgled wetly.

"Aw, look at you." he sighed, shaking his head. "Wasted and gasping for air! But you don't get to go yet. When your planet is in ashes, _then_ you have my permission to die."

 _...what?"_

A blue eye twitched.

"Can't...you...just... _play. **.**_ ** _._ ALONG?!"** One, two, three, four, five. Each word accompanied a savage swing of that sword; the folded steal carving beating furiously into Ra's body with renewed and intensified force. "All of you, every one of you, NO SENSE OF HUMOR! You're worse than Batman!" Finally, after what seemed like an evil eternity, the blond's assault ceased. Exhaling heavily he discarded the sword with a harsh clatter, leaving his victim sprawled on the floor, moaning piteously.

And then he said the words Talia had never expected him to say.

"Kill me."

 _"No."_

"Please." it was a whimper.

...not yet." came the reply. "Not until you give me the title. Until then, your death has no purpose. See," he continued, waving a hand, "I came here for one reason, and one reason only. Because I have a plan. And your assassins, your infrastructure, are to play a necessary, integral role in that plan." His fingers flicked and Talia yelped, startled as her father's sword jerked itself free from the floor and into his fingers, as though flung by an invisible hand, landing in the whiskered warrior's palm with a hash smack of sound.

"Now," he finished, "I don't much feel like fending off attempts on my life while I have my fun. So what's it to be? I can do this all day. Can you?"

"...I...yield...

"And?" Naruto poked him with the blade. "C'mon, old timer."

"I name you...as my...heir."

Six, simple words. A series of syllables and yet it gave him the end he sought.

"See that wasn't so hard now, was it? Don't worry, I'll put your people to good use." Humming softly, he raised the blade overhead, an executioner prepared to deliver life's just reward. "Say goodbye to Talia. I'll even give you a few minutes, if you want."

Ra's merely snorted.

 _"Goodbye."_

Shock overtook the daughter of the demon, momentarily washing her outrage away. That was it? No impassioned speech, no words of love, no final farewell? Just one word? That lone word as like a knife against her throat, sharp and jagged, cutting all ties between them. Her eyes went narrow, face tightening in an expression of disbelief, then scorn. How could he be so cold to her, even in his final moments? Did he care nothing for her at all? Was she just some pawn, a tool to be used and discarded as he saw fit?

"Fa-

THUNK.

One swing of the sword, one slash, and the Head of the Demon lost his head. Literally. Talia watched, numb, as the blade sliced down cleanly, severing muscle and bone with practiced ease, ending the life of her parent without so much as a second glance. Distantly, she saw Naruto's boot shoot out and kick her father's skull, sending it bounce away with wet thud-left to roll off into some dark, forgotten corner of the city. Naruto waved a hand an a ball of fire leaped from his fingers, momentarily burning away the shadows of Wonder City.

When next she looked, both her father's head, and his ruined body, were gone. It was overkill, complete and ruthless, yet at the same time, it eliminated any possibility of the Lazarus Pit being used against him. Simple and efficient, if not messy and violent.

Still, this act of brutality gave Talia pause.

He...had not hesitated. Not in the least. Love for her father still warred with sheer disbelief for what he'd done, for what she'd witnessed, but in the same vein, a seed of respect planted itself deep within her chest. Her beloved-Bruce-never would have done that. He insisted on adhering to his archaic "no-killing" rule. Yet this man, this stranger, this...anomaly, he hadn't paused in the least. He didn't pause now, either, snatching up a sheathe and sliding her father's blade home into the scabbard.

Blue eyes roamed across all those assembled, twinkling merrily.

"So, does anyone else want their head on a pike?"

Silenced reigned over the room like an irate dictator, ready to bring an iron fish crashing down on the first sign of opposition. When no one dared to challenge him, he moved to take her father's seat, lounging happily in the arched confines of the seat. "Now, this is nice." he mused, crossing and uncrossing his legs. "We'll have to make some improvements of course, but it will do for now, I suppose. Talia?" Two fingers flicked forward at her, beckoning. Clenching her teeth, she obeyed.

"What is your will?"

"I think we got off on the wrong foot, you and I." he answered, beaming.

"You killed my father."

Naruto shrugged.

"Okay, the wrong feet, then. Let's start again. Y'see," the blond clapped his hands together once, smiling. "Now that we've under new management now, and I've been thinking. This is a rare opportunity to do some good for Gotham, and spread a bit of joy in the process. Killing the scum of Gotham and making merry! After all, what better way to celebrate the holidays. And if isn't one, then I'll just have to create one! Ha!" With a merry grin he leaned back, laughing.

"Dare I ask why?"

"Ah, Talia, of course you do!' he cackled! "Now...

...lets have some fun."

* * *

Oswald Cobblepot was not a happy bird.

No, not happy implied that there was still some semblance of him that _was_ happy. Which he was not. Nay, he was the furthest thing from pleased at the moment; which he was not! He was raging, steaming, _boiling mad_ and he didn't have anything to show for it! Not a cent, not a dime, not a man! Everything was burning and he was bloody furious about it! He couldn't even get inside to retrieve the guns! Men, men they could be recruited, taken, stolen, but those weapons...his base...!

Because someone had set fire to his Iceburg Lounge.

Ordinarily, this wouldn't have been a problem.

But these _black_ flames refused to extinguish themselves, killled whomever the ytouched, and his men were learning t

"M-Mister Cobblepot, sir!"

Squalling, the short arms dealer wheeled about as a runner dashed up to him. The fires seemed to cast him in a ghastly light, black and orange, his face inscrutable behind the ragged bandanna covering the lower half of his face. A cap hid the rest of his dirty face, exposing only the eyes, anxious and frightened.

"What, you miserable whelp?!"

"Everything's, burning, boss! Even our caches! What should we do?!"

"Nothing."

"Nothing...?"

"I've lost three things today, boy." Cobblepot began in his thick, angry accent, "Men, money, and patience." Raising his umbrella, he jabbed the lackey _-strange he didn't recognize him, must be a new boy or some sort-_ with his umbrella, eliciting a slight flinch from his minion. "Which on'a those things do you think is more valuable to me than the rest?"

"Um...the men?"

"THE MONEY, YOU IDIOT!"

Spinning away with an angry snarl, he never saw the change take place in his so-called "minion". He never saw "Him" reach up and pull the cap away, exposing long hair and a slim, angry face. He never heard the blade fly free from its sheathe, never realized his peril.

"And here I thought you were better than that."

Penguin squawked as sword found his throat, piercing his jugular. All he could do was gurge wetly.

"What the hell...?"

* * *

The death of Two Face came with resounding speed.

Short, swift...and savage.

"Heads or tails?" a voice hissed in his ear.

Dent scowled, spinning towards the source of the voice.

"Who the-

"HEADS IT IS!"

* * *

 _(Many, many weeks later...)_

* * *

"Hello, bats!"

Batman twitched, frowning at the young man lounging idly before him, mere meters from the Lazarus pit. Where was Ra's? Was he seeing things? Did he really have so little time left already? The world swam and blurred around him like a thing alive, a restless serpent trying to wriggle out of his grasp whenever he looked away. He was still somewhat lucid, Bruce thought-if not, it would certainly explain the unholy sight he saw laid out before him.

"Have we met?" he asked?

The blond only laughed.

"I don't know. Have we?"

Why was Talia in this man's lap, and why the HELL was he grinning like that? The severed head of a long since-deceased Penguin laid beneath his left boot, the skull of Two-Face, the other. Their faces were still frozen in a terrified rictus even after death...but why on earth were they painted orange and colored with whiskers?! Yes. Seeing things. He had to be seeing things...because the alternative meant that he was in some fresh new hell, one he didn't know how to deal with.

Another bought of coughing wracked him from head to toe, and he crumpled to a knee, tasting blood in his mouth. Even that pain was nothing compared to the look of pity Talia gave him. She didn't move to aid him, all he saw in those bright eyes was scorn. Scorn and pity and he wasn't sure which bothered him more.

"Greetings, beloved." her words were a disappointed purr, smoke roiling through honey. "You don't look well."

"I'd say he doesn't." the unknown blond chimed. "If we're following the script here hes...hmm...ah, there we go. Half past dead."

"I'll say it again...who are you? How do you know me?"

"Oh, various incarnations of you, sure, but not this one! You caught me at a good time, really. I've got a bit of Ra's blood left over after I butchered him." A pause, as he glanced about, considering the pristine floors, all dry stone and tangled roots, all. "Oh, wait, actually, we don't. Huh. We'll have to do something about that. We're just about to pack up and leave, you see."

"Leave...?"

Sighing, the newcomer picked himself out of the chair, shooing Talia out of his lap. Descending the steps, he spread his arms wide, as though he were about to offer him some sort of sordid embrace.

"Right, right, I'm sorry. Where _are_ my manners? I'm being a terrible host." offering a gloved hand, he clasped Bruce's arms in a crushing grip, drawing him close. "Name's Naruto. Now, you don't know me, but I know a lot about you. Just about everything really...Bruce. Now, I'm sure you've already got Oracle, oops, I mean good ol' Barb, scanning me for facial recognition and all that fun stuff.

The Dark Knight went rigid, but the blond was already moving past him, chuckling.

"Plenty to do!"

"Such as!

"More villains to prank and kill, clown girls to steal, then I've got to speak to that _darling_ little kitty cat of yours of course...and we're gone. Don't worry, I've save the best for last you see, wouldn't want to spoil the big, climatic ending, ya know? Oi, now! Someone bring the man a drink!" Baffled, the bat could only look on in disbelief as a ninja approached him from the shadows. She looked much like the one he'd followed her, she might even _be_ the same, if the glimmering look of malice in those dark orbs was any indication of her feelings on the matter.

Nevertheless, she offered him a chalice.

"Go ahead and drink, kiddo!" Naruto called. "It'll put some hair on yer chest!"

Bruce hesitated.

"No, thanks."

"Ah, bats...I wasn't asking."

Before he could further protest the woman reached around and, in a blinding movement that surpassed even his expectations, struck him in the chest. Gagging, he opened his mouth, and in that instant, the chalice was poured down his throat. Hot liquid burned his lungs raw, eliciting a fresh bout of coughing and then...suddenly...he could breathe. The crippling pain that had debilitated him so was suddenly gone, reduced to a dull ache aways back in his mind, barely even noticeable

"What...what did you do?"

"Bah, don't get your cape in a twist. She just gave you a bit of _my_ blood." the blond explained, patting him on the back. "Deus ex machina and all that. Should give you a few more hours. Well then, time to go! But first, of course...lights out.

A snap of his fingers, and he did just that.

"See you in Arkham Knight!"

...what?"

 _ **A/N: And there we have it! As per many, many, MANY requests, we now have a Naruto and Arkham City crossover! I took an idea about the Lazarus Pit, since we know so little of it in the game by the by, and decided to go and run with it to the best of my possibility. An eternal Naruto in control of the assassins, dragging the poor sods, and Talia along with him on his adventures, now there's an idea...**_

 **So...in the Immorta Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes ya grin!**

 **(Preview)**

 _"So, Scarecrow, right?"_

 _Crane started violently, his entire body going rigid as a hot puff of breath burst against his neck in a shower of steam. "Get away!" So yelping, he lashed out at his hidden foe, driving the fingers of his syringe deep into the man behind him. All he received was a laugh; the angry bark of a beast who cared nothing for human life, a predator, eager to devour its prey. Still, the sudden injection was enough to give him pause, and in that moment, Scarecrow wriggled free from his captor._

 _Who the devil was he?!_

 _"Oooooh, so this is the fear toxin." the newcomer mused, staring at a twitching hand; good, good, he was doubtlessly experiencing the effects. "Trippy stuff. Really brings out the devil in me. Say my friend, do you know which button you just pressed? Tell you what, I'll be a sport and tell ya." When he looked up, those eerie blue eyes had gone white, blank as snow. "The Kaguya button."_

 _An invisible something shot out, reducing his syringe-ladled arm to a messy pulp._

 ** _...you shouldn'ta did that."_**

 _"No...no...what are you?! STAY AWAY!"_

 _White glittered in the black._

 _"Wonder what would happen if we stuffed you full of straw?"_

 **R &R~! =D**


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